26

Alhamdulillah...

26 years, (I was born around this time if I'm not mistaken 10pm or something) and I'm still breathing. I'm still healthy, and I still my family and friends around me.

What have I done with my life, I sometimes ask. I have no idea really. I wake up in the morning, go to work, comes back and play games on my way home, and then reads manga, watch anime, sleep, and the next day the whole routine repeats itself. Even in the weekends I don't do much different. I wake up in the morning, play games, watch anime, reads manga the whole day, and sleep.

I'm wasting my life, my time, I know. But really, what else should I do?

I'm 26, and many have pushed me into getting married. I do want to. I don't a push to want to get married. They don't understand this. I really do want to get married. But what am I to do if nobody wants to marry me? lol Whenever those who keep asking me to marry pesters me on this, I feel like blowing up to them. I mean, really, you've got a boyfriend for God knows how many years, and you get married, yay for you. Now get off my back. It's not like I'm gonna steal anyone's boyfriend or husband if I don't get marry. The only husband I'm interested in right now is Animal Husbandry. Seriously Gin no Saji - okay not gonna talk about anime.

So.

The usual routine for the past...2 years, I buy myself a slice of cake (sometimes 2) and celebrate my birthday with myself. Family's too far and stuffs.

But this year, Chii and her mama actually bought me cake. And I. I wanna cry. Seriously. I don't cry in front of other people. Except in the movies but cinemas are dark, nobody could see. I'm really really really touched. I feel loved. And my family called me at midnight and sang to me and all. I miss my mom, my dad, and my family tremendously. 2 more weeks and I'll be able to see them. ♥ And with Chii's family, I get to feel that closeness I feel with a family. ;_; I'm really thankful for such a friend. ^^

And I called mom, and mom told me dad's illness has reduced and his urination is getting better, and mom sounds healthy - what more could I ask? I've been worried sick for the past few days about the both of them. I didn't read anything about benign prostatic hyperplasia and I should have. Mom told me before not to be worried about dad, but how can I not? He's my dad. Sure, we argue a lot, and very rarely we see eye to eye, but, he's my dad. My only dad.

I hated myself when he was admitted to the hospital for not being useful. I couldn't do anything. I wish I could. But I couldn't. For the 1st time in quite a while, I felt like I don't deserve to be alive.

Alhamdulillah, Allah thought otherwise. That He still wants me to live, wants me to still serve Him. And I'm thankful for that.

26 years, and one would thought I'd be wiser.
I'm still the miserable me. The same pessimistic me. The same clumsy me. The same otaku me.

Nothing's changed much. Probably a little more negative. A little more sensitive. A little more self-loathing.

But I'm still me.

26 years from now, I hope I'll still be alive, still thankful of the life I have, and maybe less self-loathing,less pessimist, less negative and less clumsy. I still want to be an otaku. hehe

Hey me,

Happy birthday big girl ♪

p/s: I still get "Are you a student?". Coolness.

Tak mampu nak kasih sayang lama sangat dengan Ubu-niichan bila ada Akira yang begitu Bishi. XD

Really ought to sleep. I'm getting more and more nonsensical. haha

Tiba-tiba mempunyai rasa kasih sayang kepada Ubukata.

Dah la comel.

Pandai main gitar

Super duper hensem plak tu.

Ubu-niichan~

Oh noes.

Tak boleh kasih sayang sangat.

Laki orang.

kekekekekeke

kasih sayang dan definisinya

Bagi saya...

Bassist paling hebat pada pandangan saya adalah Hinatch.

Guitarist paling hebat pada pandangan saya adalah Takboss.

Vocal paling hebat pada pandangan saya adalah IKE.

Drummer paling hebat pada pandangan saya adalah Chihiro.

Tapi

Saya paling sayang Ryota
Saya paling sayang Toru
Saya paling sayang Taka
Saya paling sayang Tomoya

Inilah dipanggil

KASIH SAYANGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

p/s: Lama tak update blog ni. Skali skala meluahkan perasaan. Bukan sapa pun baca lol 

HEY

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Bitches.

This, that last few minutes of the video where he rapped with raspy voice?


[MV] EXO-K(엑소엠) - MAMA(마마) 'Korean Ver... by makino-tsukushi

That isn't a freaking screamo.

-_-"

THIS:


COLDRAIN - " Die Tomorrow " by jamiecat

When he screamed, is screamo.

orz

I hate kpop logic.

erm..this is awkward

Someone actually came across this blog after searching for.. erm..

Alex Onizawa Naked.

....

lol

Seriously.

Go to my tumblr and dig around. You'll find it. Eventually. :p

Anticipation

Downloading.

Can't wait.

But it's not like I have much of a choice. XD

Excites~

Gimmick

Song by : ENGU
Lyrics by : ENGU

So stuck up riding that limo
They drive the little girl all insane
Trying to represent the poor with shining badge

So sick, I'm tired of all the stupid rules, fools
Pounding on our dreams to abuse lust
Concealing the problem
I'm gonna hang around more than they think.

This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm not gonna lose myself
Please, please give me the love.
This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm gonna live my life
Please, please give me the love

The love honesty is burning down in the smoking roof
Money mad sucking up dollar bills
Ganging up on distorted power

I'm so dry because of all the lies
Prides, drenching in all the hopes
No, they're not in control.
You gotta hang on
More than they think


This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm not gonna lose myself
Please, please give me the love.
This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm gonna live my life
Please, please give me the love

Start that riot
Make that noise
We're not giving up anyone


This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm not gonna lose myself
Please, please give me the love.
This is, This is,
This time we're living in
I'm gonna live my life
Please, please give me the love

Deja Vu

He walks across a crowded street

She stops to buy a magazine

He looks at her as he walks by

She lifts her head a second late

She turns around but it's too late

He's joined another crowd by then

Some how, she's felt this way before

There's something about him

But will he ever know?

Masato/Coldrain/Deja Vu

Final Destination

Final Destination
Coldrain

I, I used to fear
Am I falling back or moving forward
But now when I come to a crossroad
I hear this voice in my head
Scream these words once again

I can't look back, not anymore
I've given up too much to throw this away now
I can't look back, not anymore
Cause I know (know) now (now)
I'm heading to my final destination

I, I used to hear
All their static just got in my ear
But now I know, it doesn't matter
They can say what they want, cause I'm not listening


I can't look back, not anymore
I've given up too much to throw this away now
I can't look back, not anymore
Cause I know (know) now (now)
I've finally found my way to go

So I can't turn back (I can't turn back)
I'll keep moving forward

They can try to take away
With all the words they say
But I don't really care cause I'm not listening

They can try to take away
With all the words they say
But I don't really care cause I'm not listening (No!)



I can't look back, not anymore
I've given up too much to throw this away now
I can't look back, not anymore
Cause I know (know) now (now)
I've finally found my way to go

So I can't turn back (I can't turn back)
I'll keep moving forward

Penat

Penat

Penat

Tapi alhamdulillah. Seronoknya dapat jumpa saudara-mara.

♥

Mahu pergi Singapore lagi.

Kali ini untuk holiday.

Dan mesti
mesti mesti mesti
lawat *Scape

Tehe.

YokoAre

HOMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

THE CONCERT WAS AMAAAAAAAAZINGGGGGG!!

I cried a few times..too emotional.
And screamed too.

Seriously. This is like - only a glimpse of the whole dvd.

*wants dvd*

And and.

eruhkjklsdjkljasdlkjaklsdj;

*flails*

Okay. Let me be calm and collected. And say what I wanted to say.

Dearest ONE OK ROCK　メンバの皆さん、

心からありがとう。

Thank you, for the great songs you've given us for so long

Thank you, for the great lives you've performed

Thank you, for the great emotions you've given

Thank you, for the great people you gave us the chance to meet

Thank you, for the great joy you've given us

Thank you, for - for everything.

You've given not only songs

But

Friends
Companions
Joyful hours
Emotions
Soul
Happiness

But most importantly

Your music - even if my only a little - has help some people with their lives.

For that,

Thank you ONE OK ROCK.

Thank you.

You're the best band I could ever stan

♥

本当に

ありがとう。

Going home now.

OMG OMG

I'm gonna watch the concert

asdfghjkl;!!!

Spamming but what the hell eh.;D

I don't usually talk about clothes and shoes.

But.

T____T

HURLEY

Isn't in Malaysia. And I want the jacket.

I hetchu Ryota Ojisan for promoting everything Hurley. *cries*
The hoodies is super cool and awesome.

The t-shirts too are really really coolness.

Even the boxer - uh.. Nevermind on that.

Water bottle too!

Haih..

Yet it's not in Malaysia.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??
WHY self why? Why do you like men clothings???

orz
Oh also.

I need to hunt some vans shoes.

I wonder if the leopard print one is available in Malaysia.

Yes.

Syu is looking for leopard print shoes. Only I want vans/converse. But I think I want vans. Converse has really really heavy shoes. Like super heavy I can't run in it.

Talk about converse. Mine is less than a year and it's tattered and battered. Pfft. Overusing XD But I think my red converse is happy being used. I should buy another converse. Only this time. I want it in a colour I've never had before.

SHOCKING PINK!

HAHAHA

So I can pair it with my purple jeans for deitos with Madi/Chii/Nasyer-tachi. And maybe I'll use it on Friday too.

Maybe not a good idea.

XD

But first I need to find cool leopard print vans. If it even exist.

And then hi-cut leather-like shoes.

And then - shocking pink hi-cut converse.

But I know in the end.

Money won't go to the closet.

All will go to the racks.

Book racks and dvd racks.

FANDOM FTW!

I know I'm not making sense. But my brain just isn't functioning fully right now. I'm - I - eruhjsdkjkjkdjlk!!  I can't explain. Below photos will explain.

Okay maybe I'll explain. In a few words.

YOKOHAMA ARENA

WOWOW

CAP

ONE OK ROCK

PRIDE

there.

Makes no sense but.

*cries*

wa~katta~

I finally understand - what drove me to stop stanning Arashi as much as I did before.

It's not them. It's me. Peh kau ayat putus cinta.

When I first started to like Arashi, they were already really really big. They had the AAA and stuffs. But. They were not everywhere. Sure they have a lot of shows. But..How do I explain this. They have shows, dramas, singles, concerts, albums. Everything. Oh. And CMs. And I love all that. But at the same time it's tiring.

I love ONE OK ROCK and my Jrocks. I hope they get bestsellers for every single/album/dvd they're releasing. But. I wish they'll stay out of regular variety shows or dramas out of a sudden.

I.. love them. But the anticipation of waiting for the band to release something is .. for the lack of better word and I totally forgot the English - kurushii. But the moment they release stuffs -

bam wham pham!

K.O on my side.

I don't know how to explain it. It just feel so damn good.

I used to feel the same towards Arashi. The anticipation of waiting for a drama for a member. The single the cm the everything. But they have dramas every season now. Not saying it's a bad thing. Hell. I hope that pattern will continue for the next 20 years. But it's tiring. I'm not the kind who stan only 1 person in a band. But..when it comes to Arashi, I end up following only a certain person's progress or activities. And I feel bad about it.

I'm not comparing jrock and jpop or in this case Arashi specifically. I'm just justifying myself.

For myself.

I feel the need to do so. This blog isn't publicize everywhere because of this habit of mine. Telling myself why I feel what I feel.

Uh. Nevermind.

I just felt like talking okay.

And now I'm done.

Oh!!!!!!!

YokoArena concert!!
I'll flail tonight.

Bye~

If you fall down

Let me pick you up

No matter when

No matter how

Let me pick you up

Then

Now

And forever

Let me pick you up

Because after all

You're the best friend I could ever want

So love,

Let me pick you up

Let me pick you up

Let me pick you up

Let me pick you up

Just...

Allow me to pick you up

Let me pick you up

Alex Onizawa Ramon

If for some unknown and unworldly chance that you come across this blog after googling yourself, know that I think you're one helluva rock person! Totally awesome. Then, now, always.

It's sad I got to know this awesome man's existence only after he left ONE OK ROCK. But nevertheless. I'm glad I got to know.

He's tall. He's half American half Japanese. He's fluent in both languages [I think]. And he has really weird accent.

And damn it Alex, you're pretty and handsome. Also, when I say his accent is weird, it is by no mean in a bad way. I love the accent. Adds to his.. originality.

And one of my favourite song was written by him.

He's funny and gorgeous. 

But when he's on stage, he's also cool and collected. I absolutely love the way he plays guitar.

He can be silly. But hey - that's because he has silly company. Not that it's a bad thing. It's charming ♥

Most of the time he's handsome though.

Yeap. In ONE OK ROCK or not, I still love Alexander Onizawa Ramon

Only I once sulked because you said you like KARA. それはだめですよ。ま。。It's absolutely personal choice. But. *sigh* 

Well. Other than the fact that you like KARA, I love every other aspect about you. ♥

Including the naked photoshoot.

Nyum3

hahaha joking joking XD

And because I love you for your talent - be it modelling or writing songs or playing guitar - the tag is gonna be yours alone. I'm not combining with your old band.

So Alex.

お誕生日おめでとう！

今からもあたしアレクさんのことずっと

応援します！

元気になろうぜ！

And uh.. For all the images above, don't sue me Alex love ♥ tehehe

Been more than a year

Coldrain.

Coldrain.

Too busy with lives.

But I seriously hope they'll release an album or something soon.

Then again.

They just released their FIRST EVER Live dvd

And the rock bands compilation.

Man I want that cd.

They have Low IQ 10, SiM, Man With A Mission and coldrain! I don't recognise the rest of the band list.

But.

The ones stated above is majorness awesome. 8D

And I'll buy three days of adrenaline

Once I've got my Yoko Arena ONE OK ROCK.

Priority people.

/bricked

Their dvd is considerably cheap for a big act like them.

But I still want new album from them. *nods*