26

Alhamdulillah...

26 years, (I was born around this time if I'm not mistaken 10pm or something) and I'm still breathing. I'm still healthy, and I still my family and friends around me.

What have I done with my life, I sometimes ask. I have no idea really. I wake up in the morning, go to work, comes back and play games on my way home, and then reads manga, watch anime, sleep, and the next day the whole routine repeats itself. Even in the weekends I don't do much different. I wake up in the morning, play games, watch anime, reads manga the whole day, and sleep.

I'm wasting my life, my time, I know. But really, what else should I do?

I'm 26, and many have pushed me into getting married. I do want to. I don't a push to want to get married. They don't understand this. I really do want to get married. But what am I to do if nobody wants to marry me? lol Whenever those who keep asking me to marry pesters me on this, I feel like blowing up to them. I mean, really, you've got a boyfriend for God knows how many years, and you get married, yay for you. Now get off my back. It's not like I'm gonna steal anyone's boyfriend or husband if I don't get marry. The only husband I'm interested in right now is Animal Husbandry. Seriously Gin no Saji - okay not gonna talk about anime.

So.

The usual routine for the past...2 years, I buy myself a slice of cake (sometimes 2) and celebrate my birthday with myself. Family's too far and stuffs.

But this year, Chii and her mama actually bought me cake. And I. I wanna cry. Seriously. I don't cry in front of other people. Except in the movies but cinemas are dark, nobody could see. I'm really really really touched. I feel loved. And my family called me at midnight and sang to me and all. I miss my mom, my dad, and my family tremendously. 2 more weeks and I'll be able to see them. ♥ And with Chii's family, I get to feel that closeness I feel with a family. ;_; I'm really thankful for such a friend. ^^

And I called mom, and mom told me dad's illness has reduced and his urination is getting better, and mom sounds healthy - what more could I ask? I've been worried sick for the past few days about the both of them. I didn't read anything about benign prostatic hyperplasia and I should have. Mom told me before not to be worried about dad, but how can I not? He's my dad. Sure, we argue a lot, and very rarely we see eye to eye, but, he's my dad. My only dad.

I hated myself when he was admitted to the hospital for not being useful. I couldn't do anything. I wish I could. But I couldn't. For the 1st time in quite a while, I felt like I don't deserve to be alive.

Alhamdulillah, Allah thought otherwise. That He still wants me to live, wants me to still serve Him. And I'm thankful for that.

26 years, and one would thought I'd be wiser.
I'm still the miserable me. The same pessimistic me. The same clumsy me. The same otaku me.

Nothing's changed much. Probably a little more negative. A little more sensitive. A little more self-loathing.

But I'm still me.

26 years from now, I hope I'll still be alive, still thankful of the life I have, and maybe less self-loathing,less pessimist, less negative and less clumsy. I still want to be an otaku. hehe

Hey me,

Happy birthday big girl ♪

p/s: I still get "Are you a student?". Coolness.